WARNING: The following post is going to seem very Freshman-like of me. I would take that as a comforting thing as I am indeed a college freshman. Future me reading this/non-freshman people: be kind. Thanks.
The main point of my post is the unique and new feeling of returning “home” from college on break. Gone is the sense of near-independence, rather, the collegiate version of “independence”. Independence in the sense of you can go out on the weekends and drink and smoke and go back to your room and not get grounded. Independence in the sense of you can skip classes and no one will yell at you. Independence in the sense that you’re an adult with some privileges, and you can take advantage of them fully. It’s “independence” in the sense of “I’m technically living on my own but my parents are still basically paying for it/keeping up with my academic life.” Basically, the physical separation of child and parent is the key ingredient in this concoction known as “independence.”
Anyway, now that I’m done elaborating on something we all know but were too lazy to write down, I’ll tell you why I’ve been struck by the oddity of returning home: I know that I’ll never again reside in my parent’s house in the same way I did before this first semester of college. Why is that? Up to this point, I had never experienced living in any setting that didn’t involve my parents. Through High School, the most that the majority of us have known is having a room in what we colloquially call “our” house. But it isn’t “our” house; we just live there. Life away from home truly illuminates the “guest” nature of your stay in the house. Hell, I was distressed by the fact that I didn’t have the same blanket-lature on my bed at home (which I slept in for years) as I do in my dorm. It’s an odd feeling, coupled with the fact that I don’t actually spend much time at “home” when I’m on break. I’m usually out and about, tarrying with friends and such. Come to think of it, I think the only meal I ate with my family was Thanksgiving dinner.
Now to be fair, my experiences might be somewhat distorted and drastically different from those of many. My family and I work better when we aren’t actually in the same physical dwelling as each other. I seem to be the odd one out on many things; I come from a conservative household, all very religious, etc. My opinions cause discomfort and strife, to say the least, and I am not very good at keeping my views to myself (sometimes to the chagrin of others).
Regardless, I still feel like a guest in my own home. Of this, I’m sure it is a common experience. It just might be for different reasons. For many it may be as shallow as “I haven’t been living there for a while, so the change of scenery is why it feels somewhat odd.” While I agree this is a factor, I argue it’s not the main culprit; my reasons are much more significant and much less pedestrian and geography-based. In other news, come check out how right I am about everything and how I’m better than you by talking to me! I know neither of us will regret it!
Originally posted to Tumblr on November 29, 2010
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