The Life Ahead

I have come to an interesting point in my life today.  While I have certainly acknowledged it before, a minute ago I was overcome by the scope of what i want to know, what I want to do with my life.  This is not in the "what do you want to be when you grow up?" sense of the question.  It's a "how am I going to use my mind/develop myself during my time here?" sense of the question.  There's a huge amount of philosophical material out there; it's simply amazing.  I want to read (and understand) Nietzsche's most important works and thoughts, I want to understand Jean-Paul Sartre, I want to understand Kirkegaard, I want to understand Lenin and Marx, I want to understand Hayek and Friedman...  There are many areas of thought I wish to become competent in, from existential questions, to economic questions, to moral philosophy questions, etc.


My goal is to be schooled and versed enough in these areas to be able to make a definitive stand, to base the way I live, the way I think by them.  If in a discussion or argument, I want to be able to say "I have seen the evidence for all arguments, and I have a definitive position; present me with something new and persuasive, and I'll consider it carefully."  That's not to say I want to form rigid beliefs that will never change about everything, but I want my beliefs to be firm, to be rooted deep in long hours of consideration of all the ifs, ands, ors and buts.  Beliefs and convictions must be fluid to a degree, but they must be strong enough to withstand information that is incorrect or deceptive.

I know I want to develop a sound philosophy to live my life by.  The paradox is that I know it will take a lifetime to develop this philosophy, a lifetime of learning and questioning and curiosity.  A mind is a terrible thing to waste, and I certainly don't want to waste the only one I've got control of.  So if I look back in a few years and I haven't started working on this, I hope it kickstarts me.  I hope that if I look back in fifty years (if this still exists, fingers crossed), that I can say that my youthful optimism wasn't wasted, that it wasn't washed away in a sea of thoughts, lost in the noise of a busy mind and a busy life.  Barring experience, this will be my goal, my fifty year plan, if you will.  Wish me luck!