Introspection

I would classify myself as a man of ideas.  I speak more with myself in my head than with my mouth to other people (not in a schizophrenic way, hopefully).  I can entertain myself for hours in my head.  Of course, the presence of others is enjoyable for me, as much fun is to be had with friends.  However, I am able to interest myself just by reading and thinking, a talent which fewer and fewer people seem to have.

I am a man of ideas to an extreme; taking action is not my strong point.  I am decisive when it comes to small things, like where to eat, what to do next, what to wear every day, etc.  I am the complete inverse when it comes to things of consequence, especially women.  I am indecisive to a fault.  I regret this many times.  My indecisiveness is not limited to females, however, as I find myself even with friends and
adults being indecisive about decisions, whether or not to say things, etc.  I have roughly one fifth of the conversations I have with people in real life.  My mind is basically a very in-depth version of "The Sims", minus the Simlish/control.  I think of everything I could say, every way they could react, and then do it again.  I might finally, after all this, decide to say something.

There are positives and negatives to this.  On one hand, it leaves me very prepared for many reasonable outcomes, and I can react quickly and hopefully with aplomb.  On the other hand, it has caused me to not say many things to people which I come to regret.  This is especially true with girls, once again.

While I do seem to be making a rather big deal out of this, it really isn't really.  I don't actually care about girls that much, or about how they view me.  I'd rather be seen as an interesting person and stimulating company than just an object of attraction; the former is so much more interesting to me.  I just mention all of this because sometimes it gets me down, and sometimes I look back with regret.  I can count the decisions I've made that I regret in my life on one hand, ones that I really, truly regret.  Ones that if given the opportunity/were it possible, I would change.  In fact, that was the main inspiration for writing this post.  A new one was recently added to that small, sordid list.

So there it is.  I hope I've made clear my reasons for this problem I see in myself stem not from the fact that it prevents me from being a "ladies man", but that it has caused me to regret something.  I hate looking back with regret.  It is one thing I cannot stand, as it is one thing I am powerless to change.  Of course, this whole "man of ideas" thing could be a common problem, and I'm just too self-absorbed to know that.  Ah well, at least I expressed my take on it.